Change....

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”   Mahatma Gandhi

We went to the library today….  As we walked back to our car, there were two men doing yard work. One was mowing and the other was using a weed whip to edge the grass.  As we walked closer, both men turned off their machines to let us pass by.  As I walked past the man with the weed whip, I smiled at him and said “thank you.”  He nodded and returned my smile.

No big deal.  Not earth-shattering.  And certainly not worthy of a blog, right?  Wrong.  This small, insignificant incident is the epitome of my understanding of Gandhi’s words.  Both men were working and both had a schedule to follow, I’m sure.  Yet, they took the time to be considerate of others.

How many of us take that time?  How many of us spend as much time doing good things as we spend complaining about the sad state of our world?  Seriously….how many?

I have read so many of Dr. Maya Angelou’s quotes in the days since her death…. I wonder how many people have been touched by her words.  How many have thought about something differently, or reacted differently, or taken a different path because of the words she shared with all of us?

I doubt that my words will ever have the impact that hers have, in the general population of the world.  But in MY world, I have the power to influence friends and family with my words.  How often do we take the time to tell someone how much we appreciate them?  Do we uplift those around us, or tear them down? 

 

Each one of us has the opportunity (read: responsibility) to treat others as we want to be treated.  Imagine what this world would be like if we did that….

Yesterday, I had a very long wait at the lab.  Several other people who were waiting were less than kind to the lab techs who were doing their best in the situation.  One woman, sitting across from me, proudly told her companion how she had “told off” the tech.  Oh my…

When it was my turn, I went to the draw station with a smile on my face.  When the tech apologized for the wait, I told her that I understood and it couldn’t be helped.  When she was finished drawing my blood, I thanked her and left…

Perhaps nearly forty years’ of service as an RN influenced me: so many patients treat nurses like waitresses, and scream at them for things that are out of the RN’s control.  I know I have taken a lot of verbal abuse in my career…

Or perhaps I just wanted to be the kind of patient that she wished all the others would be…

Maybe I just wanted to be the change that she needed in her day…

Living With Cancer...

On a scale of 1 to 10, our life is somewhere around an 8.  It would be a 10, truly, if it weren’t for his cancer battle.  Life together has always been fun: he completes me and I complete him.  We find the joy in every day and find happiness in a simple existence.

People used to comment that we seemed to always be going and doing…. We went to the mountains frequently, since they are almost literally in our backyard. Picnics, hikes, photos, and a view that visitors come from all over the world to see…. Couldn’t ask for much more. 

 

We went out to eat several times a month.   One of our favorite trips is to Fresno, an hour away.  We have a couple of favorite restaurants up there and shops we like to visit.  Podunk no longer has a bookstore, so Barnes&Noble  in Fresno is always a fun destination.

We have travelled, too: Yosemite, Yellowstone, Chicago, Milwaukee, Disneyland, Las Vegas, LA, Monterey, and my favorite: Morro Bay.  Yet we don’t have to leave town to have an adventure. Even going to the grocery store (Tuesday mornings, mostly) is fun just because we are together.

All that changed on January 4, 2014, at ten-thirty at night: the surgeon walked into the ER exam room and told us: he has colon cancer.  We spent the next two hours, alone together, in that darkened room, thinking.  And praying. Each time I started to cry softly, he would squeeze my hand and say “I love you.”

It has now been almost five months since that fateful day.  To us, it seems like a lifetime.  In the beginning, there was numbness, with resolution.  “We will fight this” we would say.  He said he would do whatever was necessary to help himself get well.  I said that, if love could cure his cancer, he would be cured.

The early months were a maze of doctor visits, tests, labs, and trips to the pharmacy.  I started a binder to keep all of the pertinent information together and to record his journey.  At nearly five months, the binder is two inches thick…

As he began chemotherapy, we were hopeful: he had chemo for three days every two weeks.  By the end of chemo week, he was beginning to bounce back.  By the beginning of the week off from chemo, he was nearly himself again…

But chemo is cumulative: each time he has chemo, he bounces back a little less.  Each time he has chemo, his chances of having all the nasty side effects increase.  Now that he has completed nine chemo sessions, bouncing back is minimal…

Now we plan our outings more carefully.  We have to optimize his chances of enjoying what we are planning to do.  And now, we mostly just go to the grocery store on Tuesdays…

It’s all doable, we both agree.  I tell him that we will look back on this time and realize how hard it was, and rejoice that we made it through and he is getting better and stronger.  His lab numbers seem to verify that he IS doing better, so maybe all the suffering now will have a big payoff later.  I hope so.

It doesn’t bother me that his hair is falling out.  Or that he tires easily and has to nap frequently.  I look at him, nearly forty pounds lighter than a year ago, and I have grown used to it… His gaunt face is a reminder, to me, of the battle he is waging.

But sometimes I hate what has happened to him.  Sure, the massive chemo drugs he is being given have improved “his numbers” but they have taken such a toll on him physically.  And when I see that, it is like a fist to my gut….

Last night, as I walked into the kitchen, he was getting some plastic wrap out of the drawer.  My “what are you doing” was met with his explanation: “I fixed myself something to eat but I can’t eat it…..”  Sitting there on the kitchen counter was a lovely salad: lettuce, tomatoes, and sliced chicken, untouched.

I was so angry!  The irony of it all: here is a man who, more than ever, needs nutrition to help his body fight the cancer AND the chemo and he can’t even eat.  Why?  Mouth sores.  Mouth sores that are unabated by “magic mouthwash” and Orajel.  “What can I do to help him?” I asked myself…

The truth is, there is nothing I can do except support him, love him, find some more liquid nutrition for him…..and pray.

And I pray mightily.  Day and night….

Heroes...

There is a church at the end of our street, one house away from me.  Over the years, having churchgoers coming and going several mornings and nights a week becomes fairly routine.  For that reason, I rarely spend any time looking at people as they come and go to and from church.  There are times, though, when someone catches my eye… 

I saw Superman yesterday.  He was very short, with short, curly brown hair.  He was wearing a dark blue tee shirt and light blue pants.  And wearing his Superman cape, of course.  His mom parked her SUV in front of my house.  As mom, baby, and Superman walked up to their car after church, I noticed them.

Superman was walking fast, in front of mom and baby, his hands in fists, his eyes searching, and a crouching-leaping motion to his walk.  Nothing was going to hurt mom and baby; not while Superman was on duty!

Superman was only about two and a half, or three years old.  He caught my eye because he was so serious about what he was doing.  “Protecting Life” is important business, you know. 

Kudos to his mom for letting him wear his Superman cape to church.  And kudos to mom for letting him be Superman, too.  Fostering imagination is an important parenting skill, I think. But the Superman thing is more than that, to me.

This world is full of bad people and bad stuff.  We read about it in the news on a daily basis.  Sometimes, that bad stuff happens to us, or our friends or loved ones.  Isn’t it great that this little guy has signed on to defend “good” against “evil”?

Maybe I’m making something out of nothing, but I don’t think so.  Teaching a child the difference between right and wrong is an important thing for us to do as parents and grandparents.  But being Superman goes beyond the lessons taught: my little Superman friend is learning right from wrong and is actively promoting all that is right and good in this world.

Well, maybe that’s a little far-fetched for a two-year-old, but his acting out the Superman role is further embedding those life lessons in his mind.  So, do you think he would stand up for a kid who was being bullied?  Do you think he would help another child who fell off his bicycle?  Will he grow up to be an honest, law-abiding adult? 

I think so….

[P]interesting....

It’s hard to believe that summer is almost over, but it is.  Around here, the kids are back in school, even as the temperatures are languishing perilously close to the triple digit mark.  But the seasons really are in transition, I believe. Yesterday, I purchased faux flowers (I love that term) in lovely fall colors…

I have a party coming up a month from today, and I want to be ready.  Of course, that means turning to my fave internet site: Pinterest .  With almost 36,000 “pins” to date, you might think that my house is cleaned using homemade, environmentally-friendly household ingredients. My house is impeccably decorated for the current holiday season. Our meals are healthy, nutritious, and beautiful to see. We travel to exotic places frequently. I wear fashionable clothes, accessorize perfectly, wear cute shoes, and use Nutella in hundreds of different ways. Oh, and I buy things at flea markets and spruce them up with chalk paint…

Yeah, right.

I guess, for some, Pinterest is the stuff of daydreams, or good intentions.  Or just a “trip” to another place, I suppose.  Not me.  I have actually made some of the recipes I have pinned, used some of the cleaning tips, decorated with ideas I saw on Pinterest, and  printed out my favorite quotes.

It’s not all about me, either.  I have a board full of garden ideas for him to do….(hasn’t happened yet, but I’m an optimist!).  I have found great ideas for birthday presents, birthday cards, and scrapbooking.

It’s a never-ending journey of discovery and learning.  Fascination and frustration.  No, the recipes aren’t always tested, the chalk paint may be a little thick, and the “easy” thing isn’t always easy.  It’s a lot of trial and error but, as one of my favorite quotes says: “if you’re not failing, you’re not trying.”

And so, I pin.  Every day, at least once a day.  I find the most wonderful things and add them to my life. Some of my current favorite “things” are:

I have collected quotes forever, but now they're all in one place!

 

My favorite place to be....

A fairly new board filled with snippets of history.

 

I started this board when I was planning my studio.

 

Would LOVE to have an RV again!

Who doesn't like cheap?

 

My current fave color (sorry, Pink!)

 

I'm really liking industrial style right now...

Whatever you do today, enjoy the ride!

Cali