Change....

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”   Mahatma Gandhi

We went to the library today….  As we walked back to our car, there were two men doing yard work. One was mowing and the other was using a weed whip to edge the grass.  As we walked closer, both men turned off their machines to let us pass by.  As I walked past the man with the weed whip, I smiled at him and said “thank you.”  He nodded and returned my smile.

No big deal.  Not earth-shattering.  And certainly not worthy of a blog, right?  Wrong.  This small, insignificant incident is the epitome of my understanding of Gandhi’s words.  Both men were working and both had a schedule to follow, I’m sure.  Yet, they took the time to be considerate of others.

How many of us take that time?  How many of us spend as much time doing good things as we spend complaining about the sad state of our world?  Seriously….how many?

I have read so many of Dr. Maya Angelou’s quotes in the days since her death…. I wonder how many people have been touched by her words.  How many have thought about something differently, or reacted differently, or taken a different path because of the words she shared with all of us?

I doubt that my words will ever have the impact that hers have, in the general population of the world.  But in MY world, I have the power to influence friends and family with my words.  How often do we take the time to tell someone how much we appreciate them?  Do we uplift those around us, or tear them down? 

 

Each one of us has the opportunity (read: responsibility) to treat others as we want to be treated.  Imagine what this world would be like if we did that….

Yesterday, I had a very long wait at the lab.  Several other people who were waiting were less than kind to the lab techs who were doing their best in the situation.  One woman, sitting across from me, proudly told her companion how she had “told off” the tech.  Oh my…

When it was my turn, I went to the draw station with a smile on my face.  When the tech apologized for the wait, I told her that I understood and it couldn’t be helped.  When she was finished drawing my blood, I thanked her and left…

Perhaps nearly forty years’ of service as an RN influenced me: so many patients treat nurses like waitresses, and scream at them for things that are out of the RN’s control.  I know I have taken a lot of verbal abuse in my career…

Or perhaps I just wanted to be the kind of patient that she wished all the others would be…

Maybe I just wanted to be the change that she needed in her day…

Celebrating Life...

Well, it’s my birthday.  I have had a lot of birthdays in my time.  A few parties, gifts, and their memories linger for many of them. 

 I remember turning eighteen: I had been up all night finishing a paper for my Contemporary History class.  I slept in, and then went to school in the afternoon. When I got home, there were eighteen pink roses waiting for me, a gift from my boyfriend.

Most of my birthday celebrations were family affairs.  As a child, I was allowed to choose what I wanted for supper on my birthday: I always chose barbequed spare ribs.  And mostly got them…

As a mother with small children, my birthday became less of an occasion as my children’s birthdays took center stage.  My youngest was born on May 27^th, so I stopped having my own birthday cake.  It was just too much to have two birthday cakes in two days.

I remember my fortieth birthday.  I spent the day alone, moping.  When it was finally over, I was ready to carry on with my life.  Just that day bothered me….

That’s sort of where I am right now, without the moping.  I celebrate the day with family and then just carry on…. I have reached the age where many of my friends and acquaintances have died.  Any thoughts of immortality or invulnerability are gone…

Each day is like a birthday: waking up and being grateful for the day I have been given.  By making every day special, a birthday is less of a celebration and more of a normal occurrence. I like it that way: celebrating the everyday and appreciating what each day brings. 

And yes, celebrating birthdays is still fun.  My kids will be here later today for a BBQ, not spare ribs but hamburgers.  And the cake is left over from John’s birthday in March.  It’s a little munched after being in the freezer but, I’m sure, it will still be delicious.

Happy Today!  This is my present….

Remember Me...

Today is a difficult day for many of us.  It is hard to be devoid of expectations on a day filled with commercial hype…. 

For those of us who have lost our own mother, it is a sad day, too.  And if, like me, you had a difficult relationship with your mother, it can be even harder.  Sometimes, I just wish I could show her that I have “turned out all right” and that I am not a failure… Other times, I feel guilty for thinking how much better off I am without her guilt trips.

As for my own children, I don’t harbor much in the way of expectations.  I am lucky enough to know that they love me, and that’s enough.  I can’t deny that I would love the special brunch, or dinner, or a barbeque in my honor, but it isn’t really necessary.

I look back on the years when my children were young, and I see things I did, or didn’t do, that I would like to change. Of course, that’s not possible.  I have to remind myself that I did the best I could at the time and that I did better than my own mother did for me. 

That’s what it’s about really: doing things better than the last generation.  Doing or undoing things that we remember from childhood.  There are many things from my childhood that I didn’t do to my children and I am grateful for that.  It means that lessons were learned, albeit the hard way.  I am also sure that my mother did better than her strict, Germanic mother did.  It’s a progression, a journey, toward perfection as a mother….

My mother has been gone for thirty-two years, nearly half my life.  I have reviewed and relived many things from the past in my mind, second-guessing her motives and chastising myself for not being different, or “better” than I was….

But it all comes to naught.  The past is the past.  The future isn’t here yet, and today is all we have.  So today, I am grateful to have three beautiful children who have grown into loving, responsible adults.  I am glad that I taught them to be independent and that they mastered it. 

  

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love my children and I know they love me.  I don’t need anything special on Mother’s Day, just what I hope they do every day: remember me.

And to my children: please know how much you mean to me and how proud I am of you.  I pray for you every day and think about you always.  I see you in your own children and I delight in the memories they evoke for me.  I know you love me and that you appreciate what I did for you, and you are most welcome!

Just please, remember me….

Blog Redux: "Run, Forrest, Run!"

{Here's a repeat from last year.  It still resonates with me.  I hope you enjoy it!}

“Life is like a box of chocolates….”

Last week, on Wednesday, we had lunch at Bubba Gump’s on Cannery Row, in Monterey, CA.  For an hour or so, we were immersed in all things Forrest Gump.  The waitress even quizzed us on our knowledge of facts from the movie.  We got 4 out of 5 right!

I love the premise of that movie: life is what we make it, and our image of ourselves is more important that what other people think they see.  That sense of self-esteem is what made Forrest so successful in his endeavors.

On our table was a sign: “Run Forest Run” in blue.  Underneath it was another sign, in red: “Stop Forrest Stop”…  The waiter explained that we should turn the sign to the red one if we needed anything, or leave it on the blue if everything was fine.

In my life, I think I leave the blue sign up most of the time.  I might not be running, per se, but I am moving and doing and being.  Only in times of great sorrow, as the death of my parents, have I had to turn up the red sign.  Even then, I’m back to the blue sign as soon as possible.

Life is going to happen, whether we want it to or not.  We can go with the flow or buck the tide.  The choice is always ours, as are the consequences. 

Sometimes in my life, I feel that I have faced a brick wall, six feet high and ten feet wide.  I have tried and tried to climb over the wall without success.  And then, at some point, figured out that I can just walk around it most of the time…

So, maybe that’s a good motto for this time in my life:  “Run Forrest Run……” 

And I think I will keep moving, keep being, and keep living until the sun goes down for the last time.

Pass the chocolates, please!

Cali

Thank you, Nathaniel(s)....

Both of you…. 

On Tuesday, I went to the local AT&T store and purchased my new iPhone 5.  Yes, I know the next version will be out soon—this summer—but I wanted mine now.  After almost an hour in the store, I left with the new phone (and its hot pink cover) in my hand…

We had other errands to run, so I didn’t get a chance to plug the phone into my laptop and download my apps until the early afternoon.  Well, the “quite simple” process became less so: the phone “froze” in the iTunes home screen.

Nothing I did changed anything.  I turned it off, and then back on.  I restarted my computer and plugged the phone in again.  Nothing.  Just the same, stupid, frozen screen….

(I remember when I was four years old and our phone was on a party line.  I didn’t have any trouble with it: I would pick it up and listen, that’s all.  Of course, at four, I didn’t realize that it was rude to listen in on a party line when others were having a conversation.  When the operator called my mother to report my activities, I received a lecture on privacy and respect.  Oh well, nothing “froze”….)

So, the next step was to go BACK to the AT&T store and get them to fix it.  As I walked in the door, the greeter asked me what I needed and I explained that my phone was frozen.  She then asked when I bought it and I told her “three hours ago” and when she asked where, I said “here”….

And so, I met Nathaniel  Number 1.  He plugged my phone into a computer and tried to “unlock” it.  Then he tried another computer.  No luck, still frozen.  He then excused himself and went to talk to his manager.  When he returned, he was on his cell phone, talking to someone about me. It soon became apparent that he was talking to Apple Care….

After the phone call ended, he told me what my two options were:  1) go home and call Apple’s tech line and have them walk me through the process of unlocking my phone; or 2) drive an hour to the nearest Apple Store and have their techs do it for me.

And I was frustrated—and rude—to him.  “How can I CALL tech support when the ONLY phone I have is locked and won’t work?”  He could have been rude right back, but he wasn’t.  He was empathetic and supportive.  I apologized for my outburst and he said he would feel the same way…

And so, I went back home and picked up my laptop and John so he could make the trip to Fresno with me.  Of course, in my frustration/confusion/whatever, I gave him the wrong driving instructions and we drove an extra half hour to get to the Apple Store….

I felt so guilty that I encouraged him to sit in a comfy chair in the mall and have a Starbuck’s coffee while I took care of my phone problems...

Enter Nathaniel Number 2:  a very nice young man in his late twenties or early thirties.  Even though he hadn’t used Windows in fourteen years (he’s a Mac), he was able to help me navigate my laptop to facilitate the process.  Not only was he patient, he taught me some things I didn’t know…and need to know.  It turns out that I have to block my Avast “firewall” in order to download stuff from iTunes…

I explained what was going on with my phone and that I had no intention of going home until it was fixed AND all my apps were downloaded from iTunes.  He apologized for my long trip to the store and agreed to help me do all that before I left.

While my apps were downloading, he went to help another customer.  There I sat, staring at my playlist on iTunes, on an HP laptop!  Right next to me was a Mac.  On the other side of the table were two people with iPads….I felt like a fish out of water.

So, when Nathaniel Number 2 came back, and my apps were all downloaded, I thanked him for not making fun of my weird playlist.  He looked through my songs and mentioned several artists that he liked, too.  He noticed that I have Rufus Wainwright’s version of Hallelujah and he said Leonard Cohen’s versions are his favorites.  I asked if he had heard k.d. lang’s version and he hadn’t:  he plans to download it and listen to it for himself….

As six pm approached, NN2 excused himself: he had to leave because they are not allowed to have overtime.  He found someone else to help me with signing up for Apple Care + and he was off to clock out and go home….

So, what was supposed to be easy wasn’t.  What should have taken about an hour took most of the day.  And yet, what I will remember about the experience, and the day, is the two Nathaniels.  Two very different-looking men who tried everything they could to help me, and finally succeeded.

At my age, days are not to be wasted, and Tuesday certainly was not a waste.  I have my new phone, it actually works, and I met two young men who renewed my faith in “the younger generation”…. As I approach my birthday (Saturday), I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to have many positive experiences in my life….

And thankful for the two Nathaniels….

Cali