[P]interesting....

It’s hard to believe that summer is almost over, but it is.  Around here, the kids are back in school, even as the temperatures are languishing perilously close to the triple digit mark.  But the seasons really are in transition, I believe. Yesterday, I purchased faux flowers (I love that term) in lovely fall colors…

I have a party coming up a month from today, and I want to be ready.  Of course, that means turning to my fave internet site: Pinterest .  With almost 36,000 “pins” to date, you might think that my house is cleaned using homemade, environmentally-friendly household ingredients. My house is impeccably decorated for the current holiday season. Our meals are healthy, nutritious, and beautiful to see. We travel to exotic places frequently. I wear fashionable clothes, accessorize perfectly, wear cute shoes, and use Nutella in hundreds of different ways. Oh, and I buy things at flea markets and spruce them up with chalk paint…

Yeah, right.

I guess, for some, Pinterest is the stuff of daydreams, or good intentions.  Or just a “trip” to another place, I suppose.  Not me.  I have actually made some of the recipes I have pinned, used some of the cleaning tips, decorated with ideas I saw on Pinterest, and  printed out my favorite quotes.

It’s not all about me, either.  I have a board full of garden ideas for him to do….(hasn’t happened yet, but I’m an optimist!).  I have found great ideas for birthday presents, birthday cards, and scrapbooking.

It’s a never-ending journey of discovery and learning.  Fascination and frustration.  No, the recipes aren’t always tested, the chalk paint may be a little thick, and the “easy” thing isn’t always easy.  It’s a lot of trial and error but, as one of my favorite quotes says: “if you’re not failing, you’re not trying.”

And so, I pin.  Every day, at least once a day.  I find the most wonderful things and add them to my life. Some of my current favorite “things” are:

I have collected quotes forever, but now they're all in one place!

 

My favorite place to be....

A fairly new board filled with snippets of history.

 

I started this board when I was planning my studio.

 

Would LOVE to have an RV again!

Who doesn't like cheap?

 

My current fave color (sorry, Pink!)

 

I'm really liking industrial style right now...

Whatever you do today, enjoy the ride!

Cali

Out of the Dark

It’s hard to describe how I feel today.  It’s beyond hopeful, more like joyful.  As I have been saying for almost a year now: I am on my way.

Where?  You ask.  There is no easy answer but, “out of the dark” describes it to me.  Out of the dark that was my life last year.  For a year after I retired, I was in daily pain, spiraling into a deep depression, and full of self-doubt and self-loathing.

During the time that my back injury was treated as a Workers’ Comp issue, I had physical therapy and several spinal injections.  The first two spinal injections provided some relief for a few weeks.  The final injection was terrifying, merciless, and of no use: the pain was greater, not lessened.

And so, I retired.  To what?  A loving husband, a nice home, and a constant state of pain.  I couldn’t take a step off a curb without serious pain in both my knees and one or both hips.  I couldn’t walk very far without becoming winded.  I was eating the same as I did when I was healthy, active and pain free and the pounds were adding up.

I couldn’t look in the mirror.  And I made jokes about my wardrobe: “it’s not hard to find something to wear because very few of my clothes fit!”   Hahahahahahahaha…..

Or not….

My physician sent me to a rheumatologist: he offered suggestions that were immediate and addressed the “now” and not just the future “when you lose all this weight.”  And I was humiliated beyond belief: I hadn’t weighed myself in years and the numbers on the scale were frightening.

I came home resolute: I will get beyond this place and get my life back again.  I signed up for Weight Watchers Online the very same day.  I was overwhelmed by the task at hand and the changes I had to make.  At the same time, I was determined to do something for myself so that I didn’t have to be ashamed of how I looked and felt.

It’s been a slow process: ten months and counting, so far.  But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and, if it’s not just a freight train, I will keep heading toward it.  One day at a time, one step at a time, one meal at a time, and one pound at a time….

I have lost more than forty pounds.  I am four sizes smaller than last summer, and I have LOTS of clothes to wear.  In fact, there are so many choices that I don’t know where to begin sometimes.  And isn’t that a lovely dilemma?

Out of the dark and into the light.  It’s a glorious feeling.  My depression is mostly gone, my activity level has improved: going to the gym, hiking in the mountains, and walking any chance I get has helped me realize the progress I have made.

There is no magic pill.  No diet.  No sacrifice.  What little I have had to give up (Diet Coke and sweets come to mind) is far outweighed by my sense of well-being and my ability to move and do and be, once again.  

The darkness that was retirement life in pain has given way to the light that is enjoying every day for what it is and smelling the roses along the way.  As Nora Ephron admonished: I am once again the heroine of my life and not the victim…

And it feels good….

Cali

Routines...

There’s something about springtime that makes me happy.  The sun and green grass after a long, cold winter?  The chance to begin anew?  The reminder that life is seasonal?  Perhaps the answer is “all the above”….

It’s been sunny and mild in Podunk this week.  The tulips are a riot of pink in the container garden on the patio.  The first lilac blooms are opening.  The grass is greener than green, and the sky is blue and cloudy.  It feels like spring….

We went to the nursery yesterday and came home with some new plants: snapdragons, hydrangeas, and a calla lily.  Something about purchasing new plants for the garden is so exciting.  The only thing that is better is getting plant cuttings from friends.  The blue iris, a gift from a friend, is doing well, as are the narcissus that he replanted.  I guess they were a gift from my mother, who planted them so many years ago…

A renewal of another kind is happening, too.  It has been ten months since I retired.  Although they’ve been busy months, they’ve been somewhat disjointed.  Or unplanned, or something.  After a career of planning every moment, wearing the clock out by looking at it, and recording every movement and action, I was feeling lost.  Very lost.

Nurses assess the patient and write a plan of care.  We then evaluate the efficacy of the plan as it is implemented and make any necessary changes.  Medications are given at specific times.  Procedures are done on a schedule, too….

It’s no wonder that I felt adrift when I first retired.  Nothing is planned to the nth as it used to be.  While that fact has a definite up side, it also left me wondering what to do and at what time.  Sort of.  It has been fun to sleep when I’m tired, eat when I’m hungry, and hop in the car and go somewhere when I’m bored….

There’s no more TGIF, because every day is Friday.  There ARE weekends, and I keep track of them so we don’t end up needing groceries when the rest of the world is in the store.  And there are appointments, duly written down in an appointment book and on my iPhone.   At least the phone beeps at me to remind me where to go, and when….

I truly don’t get bored very often.  I do get tired of doing one thing and move on to another, leaving the first one incomplete.  But who cares?  What I don’t accomplish today I can do tomorrow.  Right?  I hope so…..

Slowly, but surely, some sense of routine is developing.  There are times for doing chores and times for being creative and times to just relax and enjoy the day as it unfolds.  Since I’m no longer working, there are more hours in the day, my day, than there used to be.  I figure it’s time to use them as I see fit….

Like driving up to the lake to watch the sunset….

Cali

Collaboration....

Is it Tuesday already?  Good intentions.  I have lots of them….

Last week was rainy.  Every day, it seems, was dark and cold and wet.  Bad weather for working in the garden, great weather for being creative….  I have always had a creative bent, making what I could out of what I had.  It served me well when I was a young mommy with children who grew out of their clothes as fast as I could sew them.

Since retiring last year, I have found new creative outlets.   My daughter and I have been scrapbooking together since last fall.  We both enjoy being the keeper of our family’s memories and doing it in an artful form…

With the rain last week, and derailed plans of working in the garden, I turned to creative endeavors.  And I had an epiphany: I enjoy creating scrapbooks as much as I enjoy filling them with memories.  That explains why the shelves in my crafts’ room are overflowing with things I have made.  And it causes me some sense of guilt.  What’s the use of creating something that will just sit on a shelf?

So, when my daughter came to visit last Thursday, I offered a suggestion: since she is so busy with her full time job and her family, I could make some things for her to sell in her online shop.  I was tentative about making the suggestion as I didn’t want to step on her toes….

No need for trepidation as she was thrilled with the idea.  She was lamenting the fact that she has so little time to make things to sell, and my contributions would be greatly appreciated.  And no, I am not advertising here.  I will not share the what or the where of our collaboration as that’s not relevant.

What was meant to be a quick get-together last Thursday, for my daughter and me, turned into a day of planning.  We talked and laughed and thought of all kinds of things we would like to do and make.  It was fun.  It IS fun, to collaborate with my daughter.

The days since that first “business meeting” have been quite busy.  I have made half a dozen products for her to put in her shop.  I have ideas for another dozen or so things.  And, come this Christmas season, when my daughter designs things to sell, I will be busy in my workshop, producing them for her.

Last evening, I read the blog she wrote yesterday.  If I had any doubts that she was as enthusiastic as I am about what we are doing, her blog erased them.  It was delightful to read her rememberances of the things I created when she was a child.  And I was reassured by her kind and thoughtful words about our joint efforts….

While it’s not all that important in the overall scheme of things, this collaboration is something to celebrate, to me.  We have had our times apart, my daughter and me, while we fought our own battles and didn’t impose on each other.  We have never been estranged, or anywhere near estranged, but we have not been as actively involved in each other’s lives as we are now.  We are mother and daughter, dear friends, and now, collaborators…

In a creative way, that is….

Cali

Taking Things For Granted....

Not a good idea, if you ask me. There are no guarantees in life.

Special moments can be fleeting, with lots of time in between. They must be savored when they happened, and remembered for as long as possible.

I went back to work on Thursday. It's been more than seven months since I was able to see patients and give them nursing care. I cannot believe how much I missed it. Perhaps because I have been doing it for thirty-five years, it was an integral part of my life that was missing.

And the time off was not a “practice” session for retirement. When I no longer need to work, and cannot continue doing the difficult work I do, it will be a celebration for me. Conclusion of a time in my life. And an end to the daily drudgery of having a job.

For seven months, I had no purpose, other than to get well. I had no direction, other than to try to get back to work. Just as I could not do the tasks I needed to do at work, I couldn't do those things I wanted to do at home.

Retirement will be different. It will be my choice. My logical next step. On my terms. And, instead of going out with back pain, I will go out with a sense of accomplishment. I will complete the job I started, so many years ago. And I will start my next job: enjoying my life and my love in a relaxed, retired setting.

Somewhere....

I will watch the sunset, and maybe a sunrise or two. I will relish life's little joys, and somehow, get through its sorrows. I will be me, I will be free, and I will enjoy what life brings.....

Every day.

Cali

The Christmas Dishes...

'Tis the season to be jolly. Are you?


This morning, I got out my Christmas dishes. They are from Mikasa and they each have a Christmas tree on them, with green lattice around the rims. I think they are quite pretty....


Normally, I take them out on Christmas Eve, just before our meal, and set them out on the dining table. I decided to do things differently this year: we will use them at supper time from now until after Christmas.


They are festive and fun, regardless of what food is on them. A roast, a casserole, even hot dogs, will look better on Christmas plates. It is about presentation, isn't it?


The simple addition of festive Christmas plates will make each meal special during the season. It is an indication that family is special, too. By not saving “the good china” for company, every meal becomes a celebration. Every person around the table is loved and welcome.

And every meal becomes a joyous occasion....


Cali

Happiness Is Homemade....

Somewhere, sometime, I heard the saying “Happiness is homemade.” Just what does that mean? We have to make things at home? Doing that will make us happy? No, I don't think so...


I think it means that we are responsible for making our own happiness, rather than depending on others to make us happy. Happiness comes from within.


Being happy requires effort. We have to let go of grudges. Release our negative feelings. Lower, or raise, our expectations of ourselves, and acknowledge our own responsibility in achieving happiness.


Lowering our expectations of happiness means realizing that we don't have to have a lot of money to be happy. Or “true love” or even good health. Happiness does not have modifiers: “if this happens, I can be happy”....


Raising our expectations means that we actively seek happiness. Go outside and watch the sunset. Or get out of our rut and find new places to seek happiness.


Happiness is a choice. Others don't make us happy, or unhappy. We do that all by ourselves. Happiness IS homemade.


In our own hearts....


Cali