Pain Free...

Today is a tentative day. In just the last twenty-four hours, I have lost my pain. I keep moving the way I was moving before the procedure, protecting my back.

I am acutely aware of every sensation affecting my back. I think about what I will do if the pain comes back. If the injection wears off.

The simple answer is: I will try it again. Even though it means going to a surgery center, going under anesthesia, and going through the whole process again.

For the sake of being pain-free, I will do it again....and again.

But today, right now, I will be glad that the pain is gone. And start the New Year with a clean slate!

Happy New Year, All!

Cali

Mountains.....

I have laundry to do today. It's part of life: things are worn, they get dirty, we wash them, and they get worn again. Cycles happen.

I wonder how many ideas I have “worn” and then had to wash. How many events? How many aspects of my life have been worn and washed so many times that they have been worn out and replaced?

Or is it like it was in childhood? Wear it, grow out of it, and get rid of it....

Ideas come and go. Events come and go. But there always seems to be a mountain of laundry.

I wonder why.....

Cali

Family Ties....

It's quiet now. The “little one” spent the night at her cousins' house. Today, she will go visit with her cousins' cousins. She is quite excited about it: she bought Christmas gifts for them.

We have had a talk recently about “family” and the concept of family. She is an only child, so she readily adopts people as members of her family. Her version of the meaning of family. 

I want her to understand the difference, if there is any, between familial relationships and friendly relationships.

I don't want her to get hurt....

She has room in her heart for the entire world, probably. She loves people and loves being with people and all she wants is to be loved in return.

Don't we all want that?

Cali

Noise.....

Sometimes, life is peaceful. Other times, it is interrupted by noise.

I can get used to the noises that happen every day. The familiar noises: voices, sirens, dogs barking, cars, planes, music on the radio.... I can continue what I am trying to do and tune them out. Most of the time.

The noise that won't go away is inside of me. I don't “hear voices” but there is a still, small voice inside of me that tries to communicate with me.

When I choose to listen, I learn the things that I need to know, such as, how I am feeling about something, or what I need to do about a situation in my life.

For months, I ignored the little voice. The noise inside of me kept getting louder and louder. And I had to work harder and harder to ignore it. Until I could ignore it no more.

I had to listen.....

The cacophony was gone and a sense of peace washed over me again. I know what I have to do and I know it is the right thing—for me—to do.

Note to self: please listen to me!

Cali

A Perfect Christmas...

It's a beautiful day today. The grandkids from next door are out on their razor scooters and bicycles, enjoying the sunshine. It's a perfect day after Christmas....

And it was a perfect Christmas. Perhaps not perfect, but very close. The kids and grandkids were all here. The ones who couldn't be here called yesterday morning. From Italy.

It never ceases to amaze me: a house full of love and laughter, every Christmas. Without fail. The grandkids are growing, and their interests are changing, but the commitment to family and time together is as strong as ever.

No one left early. And no one turned down a meal. Or two.

It was a first, of sorts: the oldest grandchild couldn't be here: he had to work today. Early. And so, he stayed home for Christmas. He's in college now, and having a job is very important. Later on, after college, he'll be back. For Christmas at Grandma's.

And someday, he'll bring his wife and their children.....

Cali

It's Time....

The shopping's done. The gifts are wrapped and under the tree. The meals are planned and the cookies are almost ready.


The house looks beautiful in its holiday wardrobe. The lights, the sounds and the smells just add to the excitement. And company will start arriving tomorrow afternoon.


The rush is over and the work is mostly done. What didn't get done doesn't matter. It's time to let go of the to-do list.


It's too late to worry about what could have been. Or should have been. What's done is done. And what didn't get done? Well, there's always next year.


The time is here to savor the moments, make the memories, and enjoy the holiday.


Merry Christmas, All!


Cali

Christmas Cookies....

I baked cookies today. In a little while, my granddaughter and I will decorate them. And then, it will really be Christmas.


I haven't made sugar cookies for the past three or four years. I guess I was too busy. And, as silly as it sounds, Christmas wasn't the same without them. I guess it's true: when you do something for fifty years, it becomes a habit....


I only have one of my mother's cookie cutters left: a star with scalloped edges. The rest of mine are at least thirty or more years old. I have stars and hearts and a gingerbread boy and girl, an angel, a Christmas tree, a hand, and a reindeer.


The way to “share” sugar cookies is to fill the cookie container with the easy cookies, then put a few sugar cookies on top, for show. They are way too labor-intensive to just hand them out, willy-nilly! What it means is, if you get a sugar cookie or two from me, you are special!


I don't know which is more fun, helping my grandchildren decorate the cookies, or watching people enjoy them.


Every year, on Christmas morning, Dylan's Grandpa Jim comes to pick him up to go celebrate with his family. And every year, Jim looks around furtively.....for the sugar cookies. I've had to apologize to him for the last several years, for not making cookies.

He's in for a pleasant surprise this year!


Merry Christmas, All!


Cali

My Quiet Place.....

It has been a very busy day. Driving on crowded highways in the pouring rain. Very busy. And a little unnerving, at times.


But it's over now. We're home, settled in to the early evening, pursuing our own interests.


I am trying to find my quiet place. That place where the troubling thoughts of the day seem to fade away, never to return. A place where simple, peaceful, happy thoughts pervade and prevail.


And here it is. Not physically, as it can happen anywhere. But here, and now, as I rest and remember the day. The thoughts in my head make me smile. The “secrets” that will be revealed Christmas Day. Knowing that soon, family will gather and hugs and kindness will abound.


The world around us will recede and the light and life in this house will be felt and enjoyed by everyone who is here, physically or in spirit. Far and wide, the influences of those who have touched our lives will warm our hearts and brighten the day.


The troubles in life melt away and Love reigns supreme.


Merry Christmas, All!


Cali

Star Light, Star Bright....

Today is the last day of quiet solitude until Christmas. Tomorrow, the Munchkin arrives. With a bag full of clothes, and a heart full of happiness, she will bring the house back to life.


Sure, there's life here all the time. Quiet, measured moments of living and breathing and being. It's a cheerful place to be, but mostly at a lower level and a slower pace.


She emailed me last night, saying that she can hardly wait for Christmas. There were about a hundred exclamation points at the end of the sentence. That's Noelle, and this is her holiday, exclamation points and all.


It's a symbiotic thing: she brings spirited enthusiasm to the house, and we help her harness it. She will visit with her cousins, help Grandma bake cookies, and just enjoy what the season brings. For every busy activity, there will be some quiet time. Some time of renewal. She will read, and draw, and write.


And when the holidays are over, she will return home to real life. Everyday life. School and chores and all the responsibilities of being eleven years old. But first, we will celebrate!


And Noelle will be our bright little star....

Cali

The Silver Lining...

It's a week until Christmas. Next Saturday, at this time, I will be getting ready to serve Christmas Dinner to my family. The gifts will be opened and the excitement of the night before will have settled into mellow contentment.


I haven't been this ready for Christmas in more than thirty years. Of course, for the past 34 years, I have had a job, and been working full time before, during and after the holidays. But not this year....


The Christmas trees have been up for almost three weeks. The mantle decorations, too. The gifts are purchased and wrapped. The Christmas cards and packages have been mailed in plenty of time.


I have actually had time to just sit and look at the Christmas tree and think about things. Important things: family, friends, plans for the future, and all the wonderful memories of Christmas. It's a luxury, not having to rush around and try to get things done. And I truly appreciate it.


It's the silver lining in the cloud, for me.


Cali