In the Still of the Night...

Photo from Pinterest

After more than two hours, I now realize that sleep isn’t going to come easily.  I was yawning and sleepy as I walked into the bedroom but, as soon as my head hit the pillow, my mind went into overdrive.

Thoughts about my family.  Detailed plans for remodeling homes I used to live in.  Even more detailed plans for decorating/improving our current home.  Thinking about going to sleep and wondering how long until I succumbed to slumber….

For naught.  It is now two in the morning.  The still of the night.  The noise from the freeway some six blocks away has subsided.  The quiet hasn’t been pierced by sirens yet tonight.  Or the helicopter which flies over our house on its way to the heliport at the hospital.  Or dogs barking. 

Even the birds seem to have gone to sleep for the night.  But not me….

There was a time when I would have been stressed by the inability to fall asleep.  And that stress kept me awake, too.  I had small children, or I had to be at work at the crack of dawn.  There was always a reason why sleep was mandatory during the night hours.  Or the day hours, when I worked night shift.

Life has gotten so much better in that regard.  We have plans for early tomorrow morning: put some things in the attic and get down all the portable fans.  We want to do it before the heat builds up in the attic, and it is supposed to be 100+ degrees Fahrenheit tomorrow.

No problem.  I can always take a nap.  Or two naps, if I choose.  There is little urgency in my life now, and I like that.  I worked in a very stressful profession and spent my time being where others expected me to be, with very little time for myself.

Of course, I am not unique.  We all have stressors.  And nights when we cannot sleep.  What is different for me now is that 1) the stressors are mostly self-imposed; and 2) sleeping at night is not mandatory.  I like that, too. 

Right now, I’m thinking about going outside and looking at the stars.  Or doing a Sudoku puzzle.  Or working on my scrapbooking.  Or reading….

Whatever I decide to do will not negatively impact my day today.

And I really like that…

Routines...

There’s something about springtime that makes me happy.  The sun and green grass after a long, cold winter?  The chance to begin anew?  The reminder that life is seasonal?  Perhaps the answer is “all the above”….

It’s been sunny and mild in Podunk this week.  The tulips are a riot of pink in the container garden on the patio.  The first lilac blooms are opening.  The grass is greener than green, and the sky is blue and cloudy.  It feels like spring….

We went to the nursery yesterday and came home with some new plants: snapdragons, hydrangeas, and a calla lily.  Something about purchasing new plants for the garden is so exciting.  The only thing that is better is getting plant cuttings from friends.  The blue iris, a gift from a friend, is doing well, as are the narcissus that he replanted.  I guess they were a gift from my mother, who planted them so many years ago…

A renewal of another kind is happening, too.  It has been ten months since I retired.  Although they’ve been busy months, they’ve been somewhat disjointed.  Or unplanned, or something.  After a career of planning every moment, wearing the clock out by looking at it, and recording every movement and action, I was feeling lost.  Very lost.

Nurses assess the patient and write a plan of care.  We then evaluate the efficacy of the plan as it is implemented and make any necessary changes.  Medications are given at specific times.  Procedures are done on a schedule, too….

It’s no wonder that I felt adrift when I first retired.  Nothing is planned to the nth as it used to be.  While that fact has a definite up side, it also left me wondering what to do and at what time.  Sort of.  It has been fun to sleep when I’m tired, eat when I’m hungry, and hop in the car and go somewhere when I’m bored….

There’s no more TGIF, because every day is Friday.  There ARE weekends, and I keep track of them so we don’t end up needing groceries when the rest of the world is in the store.  And there are appointments, duly written down in an appointment book and on my iPhone.   At least the phone beeps at me to remind me where to go, and when….

I truly don’t get bored very often.  I do get tired of doing one thing and move on to another, leaving the first one incomplete.  But who cares?  What I don’t accomplish today I can do tomorrow.  Right?  I hope so…..

Slowly, but surely, some sense of routine is developing.  There are times for doing chores and times for being creative and times to just relax and enjoy the day as it unfolds.  Since I’m no longer working, there are more hours in the day, my day, than there used to be.  I figure it’s time to use them as I see fit….

Like driving up to the lake to watch the sunset….

Cali

Life and Ands.....

It's a cloudy, rainy Sunday afternoon. It's cold, too.

I don't know where last week went. It seemed to just whiz by in a blur. Is that how life is? A blur?

I hope not.

Maybe it's time to slow down and savor each moment. Watch life as it happens instead of pushing it out of the way in order to “get things done”.......

I have plans this week: a quick trip to the coast, if the weather's nice. Then another procedure on Thursday that will, hopefully, take away the rest of the pain in my back.

And then, the Super Bowl on Sunday.

I can list my days' activities as “this and this and this and that.....”

It's the AND that calls to me to pay attention. Don't ignore life as it happens....

Especially the “ands”.....

Cali

Two Weeks and Counting....

The countdown has started: back to work in a couple of weeks. I hope. I am ready.

I spend such disorganized days. It takes so long to get up and get going, it seems. I can get up early, I know I can. I've been up before the sun for YEARS; I can do it again.

I think I'm hard-wired to help others. I feel as if I am shirking my duty by not doing things for others. And yet, it has been hard, for all these months, just to do the normal, routine things for myself.

I have one more injection to go and then, fingers crossed, I'll be back at work. Taking care of patients, cursing at all the documentation that is necessary, and looking forward to days off. It's the American way, isn't it?

Today I went shopping. I bought new makeup! It has been so long since I wore any makeup that I have to “practice” for a couple of weeks before I start back to work. Otherwise, I might look like a, well, something out of a scary movie!

This break has taught me a lot: I can handle anything that comes along. But some things are easier to handle than others. And something important: I love my work. I love being able to impact the lives of others positively and help them feel better.

Besides, it's only for fifteen months. Then I retire.

Hallelujah!

Cali

Waiting For a Call....

I have spent the day waiting for a phone call. That is never fun to do. I guess it's easier now, with cell phones, than it was in “the old days.”

We had to wait at home, literally by the phone. Hoping it would ring early and then we would be free to spend our day more productively.

All I wanted to do was pay my bills online. My account was messed up and I kept getting error messages. Of course, I couldn't pay my bills, either.

The phone finally rang about half an hour ago. The lady in charge of electronic banking walked me through the process. It was quite easy, with her help.

I was feeling pretty stupid but, it wasn't my fault. It happened on their end. I just needed to make sure the settings were right on my end, then try to pay a bill online.

It worked!

Now, what to do with the remainder of the day.....

Cali

Foggy Days....

The sun is shining, finally. It was quite foggy this morning. That's what happens: we have a lot of rain, the ground gets wet, and then, it's foggy.

I always worry about people driving to work in the fog. We seem to get in such a hurry to get where we're going and we drive a little too fast for the weather conditions. Of course, in the fog, we might not get where we're going at all....

Slow down a little. Turn on your lights. Open the window so you can hear what's happening around you, even if you cannot see. Start earlier, giving yourself more time to get where you're going. Err on the side of courtesy. Take the safest route you know.

And hope that the sun comes out, like it did today!

Be safe, All!

Cali

Christmas Cookies....

I baked cookies today. In a little while, my granddaughter and I will decorate them. And then, it will really be Christmas.


I haven't made sugar cookies for the past three or four years. I guess I was too busy. And, as silly as it sounds, Christmas wasn't the same without them. I guess it's true: when you do something for fifty years, it becomes a habit....


I only have one of my mother's cookie cutters left: a star with scalloped edges. The rest of mine are at least thirty or more years old. I have stars and hearts and a gingerbread boy and girl, an angel, a Christmas tree, a hand, and a reindeer.


The way to “share” sugar cookies is to fill the cookie container with the easy cookies, then put a few sugar cookies on top, for show. They are way too labor-intensive to just hand them out, willy-nilly! What it means is, if you get a sugar cookie or two from me, you are special!


I don't know which is more fun, helping my grandchildren decorate the cookies, or watching people enjoy them.


Every year, on Christmas morning, Dylan's Grandpa Jim comes to pick him up to go celebrate with his family. And every year, Jim looks around furtively.....for the sugar cookies. I've had to apologize to him for the last several years, for not making cookies.

He's in for a pleasant surprise this year!


Merry Christmas, All!


Cali

The Wrong Side of the Bed....

Do you ever get up on the wrong side of the bed?

Maybe not literally, but figuratively? On one side are the positive thoughts. And the negative thoughts are on the other side. When you get up on the wrong side, all you see is negative.


Not “glass half empty” negative. More like “I didn't even get a glass!” negative. And each negative reinforces the others. Seeing only the negative in life becomes a habit. Instead of looking for beauty and comfort in daily life, you will start looking for things to criticize.


Some “experts” say that we see negative around us when we feel it within us. Seeing YOUR mistakes makes me feel better about MY mistakes, somehow. And looking for bad things can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.


Well, guess what? So can being positive. Looking for the beauty in everyday things. A sunrise, a sunset. A rainbow after a storm. A smile on a face that is looking at you. Life is full of positives.


If you get up on the right side of the bed....


Cali

Thankful....still....

Thanksgiving is over but I am still thankful.

Every day is filled with blessings, if I just look for them. Today was no exception. The sky was blue and the air was clear. Recent rains have taken some of the particulants out of the air we breathe around here.

The mountains were visible and dusted with a coating of pure white snow. It is always a joy to be able to see them. The pansies are blooming profusely and so are the snapdragons. The last tomato is off the vine, thanks to the recent freeze.

I went shopping today and found the perfect gift for my son. I finished off the last of the turkey by making soup. The house is in chaos but that's fine: I'm decorating for Christmas!

Life is good. I just have to remember that. Every day.

Simple Joys...

I wake up with a head full of thoughts. Thoughts about the weekend, the week, Christmas, family. Thoughts about what I need to do today. And tomorrow.

It's cold; there's frost on the lawn. I turn up the heat and pull on something warm. Still thinking about a myriad of things, I walk out into the kitchen.

Little stirrings coming from the laundry room: the girls are awake. As I walk over to the laundry room door I see them: tails wagging, front paws on the “baby gate” that keeps them in the laundry room. I greet them with a “good morning” and they respond in soprano howls of joy.

The morning routine: I open the other laundry room door and the girls race across the family room floor, and out the doggie door. Cinnamon, the alpha dog, always goes first. Then little Ginger. Once out the door, they turn around and wait for my hand to come through the door, holding a doggie cookie.

Grabbing their cookie, they head off to their doggie bed on the patio to enjoy their treat. That's it; that's the routine and the daily morning joy. They don't think about other things, or other times.

A new day. Mom's here. And a cookie. In their world, life is good.

Simple joys....